IF IT WERE SAFE: Jodie Landau’s ‘Performance of Self’

As you enter the RedCat Theater to see Jodie Landau’s “Performance of Self” your attention is immediately caught by the transformation of the theater. It now resembles a dinner party or comedy club. There are tables of two with candles in front of the general audience’s seating. These tables are part of the audience but also create a more of a “date night at a restaurant” vibe than a traditional concert experience. This makes the entire audience look and feel like part of the show. It blurs the line between the stage and the audience. There are outfits and articles of clothing suspended above the stage in shadowboxes. The clothes range from dresses to blazers to boxers. There is also a screen playing a video of Jodie at seven years old singing and dancing along to “The Backstreet Boys” on loop.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this show. I’ve seen Landau perform a few times in a variety of contexts. I’ve seen him as a percussionist in Wild Up, a singer with Roomful of Teeth and a combination of both percussion and voice in the past. This was my first experience seeing Landau as a writer and host.

“Performance of Self” combines several different art forms. It’s part cabaret show, part stand up comedy and part musical. Combining these styles do not compromise them – instead it strongly ties together the common threads across them. “Performance of Self” does not force a blending of classical/ contemporary music with pop music which is often the case with these kinds of productions. When these shows try to blend too heavily with the classical world (instead of coming from the pop, musical, or theater tradition) they can become a watered-down caricature instead of a fully supported art form. That is not the case here. Landau’s embrace of pop music, audience interaction and storytelling works well and solidifies the authenticity of the music which in turn reaffirms the identity of the show.

Jodie is in a virtuosic role alternating between being a host, vocalist, comedian and dancer. He is so encapsulating and endearing as a presence and performer. His charm grabs our attention from the very beginning of the show and creates a level of trust to follow along on this ride. Jodie had the audience laughing along with him as he tells us about the common misgendering of his pronouns due to his love of wearing dresses and overall lack of conforming to gender-norms. He suddenly bursts into song, the chorus of which is “I’d wear dresses everyday” which eventually builds to add “if it were safe”. He was able to take an audience from laughing to worry by adding one sentence to a repeated motif. It’s a haunting look at the reality of the world outside these theater walls. One that seems to creep in and out of our attention throughout the show depending on where Landau takes us. His performance is all encompassing with incredibly personal and emotional narratives throughout. It covers gender, queerness, dating and familial relationships. Jodie lays bare his heart and soul for the audience. While there are these moments of introspection in the first half of the show, it’s personal in tone but generally quite lighthearted. The stories told are specific to Landau’s life but the themes are universal tales of loneliness, identity, love and community. His storytelling abilities have a natural way of connecting the audience to his journey in a way that relates back to their own.

While Landau is front and center throughout the show., he is far from the only person on stage. The band of about seven musicians covers a wide range of keyboards, drums, bass woodwinds, strings and live Ableton electronics. Orchestrationally, the ground covered in a pop setting without guitar is incredible and extremely full. At times I was fooled into thinking the ensemble was much larger than it actually was, and at other moments the band hid in the background whenever it was appropriate to let Landau be in the spotlight. This relatively small ensemble provides a dense and full bed of sound for Jodie’s vocals to lay on throughout the show. The ensemble is made up of Jherek Bischoff, Darian Donovan Thomas, Matt Evans, Joshua Rubin, Jacquelyn Schreiber, Drew Sensue-Weinstein and Brian Walsh. Each of whom are not only expected to be fantastic players but active performers and actors that must bounce off of Jodie’s banter and comedy and do so wonderfully.

Structurally, one of the most successful aspects of the show is its pacing. Its use of repetition to iterate on its themes creates a satisfying sense of resolution. To start the show, Landau tells us anecdotes that are mostly comedic and endearing. We feel a bit lulled into a sense of relaxation and go along for the ride. There is however, a sense that something is being withheld from the audience. It feels like the show couldn’t possibly sustain itself by just being lighthearted romp but our guide is aware of this. It’s in the last thirty minutes or so that Landau pulls back the curtain revealing just how much information he has intentionally curated for us. We do not hear about his queer relationships and up to this point when we learn about his family it’s through childhood stories and silly coming of age embarrassments. In a meta moment he then literally explains this to the audience. We are alerted to just how much information has been kept from us intentionally. We are not given answers to everything we’ve missed but some are presented to us. This lack of a full picture helps the audience use their imagination to fill in the blanks that have been omitted from the stories. Perhaps even filling the missing spaces with our own life lessons. One of the difficult subjects we are let into is the grief of losing a father. In another fourth wall breaking moment we hear from Landau directly how his Dad influenced this show. Not just in its development but also during its first public performances after being created. We see his touch on the very show that we are watching. There are references to earlier numbers and we see how Jodie’s dad reacted to them whether during a performance or providing feedback after each show. Thus the show begins to fold in on itself. This takes us right back to the beginning, the home video of Jodie singing and dancing along to the “Backstreet Boys” now revealed to be filmed by his father. Something we may have known all along but feels enlightened. This time we get a special treat. We are also treated to Landau standing on stage by himself recreating the dance his seven year old self is doing on the screen behind him. It’s an emotional and hilarious way to wrap up all the ideas we’ve seen. We feel the emotional catharsis of ending at the beginning of the journey. I couldn’t help but giggle and smile while a tear ran down my cheek.